Varlamov Steak


 * This article is about the episode. For the food after which the episode is named, see Varlamov steak (food).

Varlamov Steak is the ninth episode of the fifth season.

Tagline
In Ten Forward, Zama and Terenar get into a quarrel about food the latter just cook. Little do they know is that the challenge brought mayhem throughout the entire ship and make some of the worst cooks show off to the rest of them, while bringing some memories to Zama.

Act One
In Ten Forward, Zama samples Terenar's Varlamov steak and finds it disgusting, if only because of its spice load. He also mused that Terenar could make Brianna eat any of his Lyran food, with the Cardassian cook asking for how he could cook such a thing, after Terenar challenged Zama to a cooking contest. And Annika also asked Terenar to cook a well-done Varlamov steak, with Zama telling Taev that he last ate these things during the Dominion War. Zama further Brianna because of the food's effects and her reaction prompts Vaebn Mairex to enter the competition and Vox'ula is baffled at the number of contestants.

Act Two
Shortly after, Vox'ula insults Brianna yet further, telling that her place among the Lyran Starfleet is that of a captain. However, Linde and Largo have planned to enter the competition with the intent of disgusting the jury, with a chemical contraption contained within food. Relm felt the urge of getting weighed once again in the cargo bay, telling Larugo of the importance of mass in Byzatium society, with mating mere months away. She stands on one of the cargo hold's scales and she weighs 946 kg at this time. Larugo then offers to go to the holodeck, with a new program at hand.

Act Three
Going into the holodeck, Relm and Larugo also invited Zama and Brianna to go in the holodeck when the Halii soapbox race holographic program was activated. Because of Halii's stronger gravity, they had to build their devices stronger than they were under "normal" gravity conditions. When the race begins, Relm falls off her soapbox car because of her massive weight. Because the failure of the floor plates mave wrecked an opponent's car, Brianna Reiss and Zama were certain to go to the semifinals as a team, due to the peculiar format of the Andobi Mountain Run. They later end the program.

Act Four
Every occupant of the holodeck then return to their eating competition, with Zama delaying the entire competition and they have almost all forgotten about the competition itself. Vox'ula announces that he will also judge the competition. With a Ten Forward full of patrons, they realize that Linde messed her cooking up and awards the winner of the competition command of all chefs of Ten Forward, even when Eblan awarded the wooden spoon to the last-place finisher. They all mused that Mizarh was in the middle-of-the-road, with M'Rex and Damar at the top and everybody else at the other end of the road.

Act Five
With Ulduar in charge of the ship for the duration of the contest, he went to Ten Forward to eat ice cream just as the winners were announced: Largo for the last-place finisher and M'Rex winning it. Damar then obtains the information that he could recapture the position after the voyage because M'Rex will be reassignes to a starbase as transporter operator. Pazzo then informs Putal that he has six months left to live and that he wanted to enjoy these six months, by eating sweets and desserts, among other things. The other people are out there eating other desserts after the contest.

Production notes
Varlamov steaks, which was by itself the basis of the episode, as well as the episode itself, were named after, a goaltender of the , who were in a playoff round against the at the time of this episode's production.