Cigarette Redshirt is the seventeenth episode of the fifth RIS Bouteina season.

Tagline[edit | edit source]

Putal, suffering from an incurable medical condition, is informed in sickbay that he has one month left to live, at best. He decides to make the most out of the last month he has left to live, trying to know better about the passions of the crew.

Summary[edit | edit source]

Act One[edit | edit source]

Putal has an appointment with Pazzoin the sickbay, pertaining to his malady that plagued him during the entire voyage and is informed that he has one month left to live. He goes to Mizarh's cabin to watch the men's hockey final of 2010's Winter Olympic Games on a viewscreen in his cabin. Putal started wondering what did he want to leave as heirlooms to his children left on Illyria, while looking for M'Kar, who was watching the hockey game. Putal insisted to be in Ulduar's World of Warcraft guild, wanting to bequeath characters to his children. However, his kids did not want to indulge in role-playing.

Act Two[edit | edit source]

Since his kids did not want to RP, Putal was to change servers and re-create his new toon, while Annika Hansen reveals that Taev Radaik signed the Wishblade Declaration and that he never played either. His toon was to be a feral druid, while Putal's is a Paladin. As they are expected to powerlevel the starting zones of Don Murogh, they are to hunt ragged young wolves for tough wolf meat, with Annika's new toon being a Gnome Warlock. Putal also signaled his intentions to leave a World of Warcraft strategy guide, as well as the media on which the game is installed. Meanwhile, the sickbay is being prepared for a videoclip.

Act Three[edit | edit source]

When the taping begins, Putal's successor, the Bajoran named Eblan LoMar, helps the Triple-E Senates taping their videoclip, with Rihanna handing out medicine to the patients. Also, Brianna is about to tell one of the anecdotes pertaining to university transfers to Malachor V, be it for financial reasons or academic reasons, but also because school was purported to be unfair to the students. Vaebn also mused that, although Brianna was intensely devoted to academic cheating, that she was able to count through four decks of cards, which required some brainpower, in front of the dazzled patients.

Act Four[edit | edit source]

Aerv, the life support system engineer, designed an holographic program made as a Malachorian casino. Brianna returns to her counselor's office and finds Zama at her office, afraid that they will not return to Rator III in time. He overly praises her intellect in the process. Before they go to the casino after Zama was done with his astrometrics rant, they wear their dress uniforms and they begin playing in the casino: Putal played slot machines while Brianna and some others played blackjack to help Brianna develop her card counting skills up to six decks, with Lovestospooch as the dealer.

Act Five[edit | edit source]

Putal then goes on to play bingo in the holographic casino along with Breen and other people, such as succubi and others, with Ilyana not understanding the game, with Putal winning the game. The next day, Ulduar comes to collect him for his powerleveling session and realizes that he is dead. A funeral is hastily organized but, according to Putal's will, it has to be done according to Illyrian customs. In this case, this means having Eblan make the eulogy and have weapons on display in the funeral venue. He said that Putal was devoted to astrometrics and smoke cigarettes diligently.

Quotes[edit | edit source]

"Putal, I’m afraid that you have just a month left to live. From now on, you are discharged from duty. It will be a painless month until you die in your sleep."
"I’d better make the best out of this one month I have left to live."
"Now, I'm in charge of Astrometrics!"
— Pazzo, Putal and Eblan LoMar in the sickbay
"I'm a doctor, not a redshirt"
"Everyone here is a redshirt!"
— Pazzo and Rihanna, speaking about the taping of a videoclip
"I'm a pilot, not a supercomputer!"
— Brianna Reiss
"You sank my Carrier!"
"This isn't Battleship!"
— Ilyana and a Breen player during a bingo tournament

External link[edit | edit source]

Cigarette Redshirt on the RIS Bouteina boards

RIS Bouteina episodes
Season 1
"The Departure" • "Distress Call" • "Take Me Out to the Zoo" • "Marianela" • "What about some D'oh!" • "Fundraiser" • "Declaration of Warcraft" • "No Child Left Untested" • "Manhunt" • "Eidolon" • "Four Redshirts and a Shirt" • "Merry Christmas" • "We're All In This Together" • "Marriage and Honeymoon"
Season 2
"Cloak, baby, Cloak!" • "Fury of the Prison Ships" • "Women's Dark Frontier" • "Easter Eggs" • "Bowser Shakedown" • "Sphere of Influence" • "Broken Bread" • "Extraordinary Summit" • "My Carpet, Tis of Thee" • "The Whole Kitten Kaboodle" • "Battle at the Grave of Thoughts" • "Redshirt Distribution" • "Bottle to Throttle" • "Quantic Fissure" • "Quantic Return" • "Blackrock and Roll" • "Kingdom Hospital" • "Monster-in-a-Box" • "A Tale of Two Holodecks" • "Grinch and Scrooge" • "Miracle in Whoville" • "Battle of Eight Beat" • "Planet of the Cheaters" • "How the Charter Was Won"
Season 3
"Yesterday's Lyrans" • "The Measure of a Romulan" • "Cost of Captivity" • "Hussade Contract" • "Degree of Liberty" • "Days of Wine and D'ohses" • "Doctor Rihanna" • "Grade Inflation, Part One" • "Grade Inflation, Part Two" • "Grade Inflation, Part Three" • "Holographic Family" • "There's no Coffee in the Nebula" • "Tobacco Quest" • "Super Size Me" • "Super Size Me Again" • "Limit at Plus Infinity" • "The Day Where Students Have Stopped Calculating" • "If At First You Don't Succeed" • "Going, going, gone" • "Drug Wars" • "Monopolis" • "TV Dinner" • "Love Plan" • "Spoiled Rotten"
Season 4
"Humans, Romulans and Space-Beasts" • "Vosteage" • "Ice Cream Parlor" • "Gogmagog" • "Relief and Refuge" • "Real Estate Liberty" • "High Priestess of Evacuation" • "Limit at Minus Infinity" • "Low-Cost Vacation" • "Back to School" • "Tribble Resupply" • "Midwife" • "Night of the Were-Hawks" • "Forlorn Hope" • "Party Quest" • "Combinatorics Nightmare" • "Redshirt Computer" • "Party School" • "Just Cause" • "Kathelet"
Season 5
"Resolution on Krant" • "Hilbert Hotel" • "New York Convention" • "Propane Dream" • "Hospital Blues" • "Home Sense" • "Homeward" • "Dr Jekyll and Dr Hyde" • "Varlamov Steak" • "Credit Card Scholarship" • "Black Sox" • "Jockship" • "Two-Speed Intellect" • "Toy Dream" • "A Hockey Game Broke Out" • "Ultimate Wager" • "Cigarette Redshirt" • "Rator III Awaits" • "Hystelic Kingdom"
Sequel: Star Trek: The Stoneship Files
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