This article is about the RIS Bouteina episode. For the food after which the episode is named, see Varlamov steak (food).

Varlamov Steak is the ninth episode of the fifth RIS Bouteina season.

Tagline[edit | edit source]

In Ten Forward, Zama and Terenar get into a quarrel about food the latter just cook. Little do they know is that the challenge brought mayhem throughout the entire ship and make some of the worst cooks show off to the rest of them, while bringing some memories to Zama.

Summary[edit | edit source]

Act One[edit | edit source]

In Ten Forward, Zama samples Terenar's Varlamov steak and finds it disgusting, if only because of its spice load. He also mused that Terenar could make Brianna eat any of his Lyran food, with the Cardassian cook asking for how he could cook such a thing, after Terenar challenged Zama to a cooking contest. And Annika also asked Terenar to cook a well-done Varlamov steak, with Zama telling Taev that he last ate these things during the Dominion War. Zama further infuriates Brianna because of the food's effects and her reaction prompts Vaebn Mairex to enter the competition and Vox'ula is baffled at the number of contestants.

Act Two[edit | edit source]

Shortly after, Vox'ula insults Brianna yet further, telling that her place among the Lyran Starfleet is that of a garbage scow captain. However, Linde and Largo have planned to enter the competition with the intent of disgusting the jury, with a chemical contraption contained within food. Relm felt the urge of getting weighed once again in the cargo bay, telling Larugo of the importance of mass in Byzatium society, with mating mere months away. She stands on one of the cargo hold's scales and she weighs 946 kg at this time. Larugo then offers to go to the holodeck, with a new program at hand.

Act Three[edit | edit source]

Going into the holodeck, Relm and Larugo also invited Zama and Brianna to go in the holodeck when the Halii soapbox car race holographic program was activated. Because of Halii's stronger gravity, they had to build their devices stronger than they were under "normal" gravity conditions. When the race begins, Relm falls off her soapbox car because of her massive weight. Because the failure of the floor plates have wrecked an opponent's car, Brianna Reiss and Zama were certain to go to the semifinals as a team, due to the peculiar format of the Andobi Mountain Run. They later end the program.

Act Four[edit | edit source]

Every occupant of the holodeck then return to their eating competition, with Zama delaying the entire competition and they have almost all forgotten about the competition itself. Vox'ula announces that he will also judge the competition. With a Ten Forward full of patrons, they realize that Linde messed her cooking up and Annika Hansen awards the winner of the competition command of all chefs of Ten Forward, even when Eblan awarded the wooden spoon to the last-place finisher. They all mused that Mizarh was in the middle-of-the-road, with M'Rex and Damar at the top and everybody else at the other end of the road.

Act Five[edit | edit source]

With Ulduar in charge of the ship for the duration of the contest, he went to Ten Forward to eat ice cream just as the winners were announced: Largo for the last-place finisher and M'Rex winning it. Damar then obtains the information that he could recapture the position after the voyage because M'Rex will be reassigned to a starbase as transporter operator. Pazzo then informs Putal that he has six months left to live and that he wanted to enjoy these six months, by eating sweets and desserts, among other things. The other people are out there eating other desserts after the contest.

Production notes[edit | edit source]

Varlamov steaks, which was by itself the basis of the episode, as well as the name of the episode itself, were named after Semyon Varlamov, a hockey goaltender of the Washington Capitals, who were in a playoff round against the Montreal Canadiens at the time of this episode's production.

External link[edit | edit source]

RIS Bouteina episodes
Season 1
"The Departure" • "Distress Call" • "Take Me Out to the Zoo" • "Marianela" • "What about some D'oh!" • "Fundraiser" • "Declaration of Warcraft" • "No Child Left Untested" • "Manhunt" • "Eidolon" • "Four Redshirts and a Shirt" • "Merry Christmas" • "We're All In This Together" • "Marriage and Honeymoon"
Season 2
"Cloak, baby, Cloak!" • "Fury of the Prison Ships" • "Women's Dark Frontier" • "Easter Eggs" • "Bowser Shakedown" • "Sphere of Influence" • "Broken Bread" • "Extraordinary Summit" • "My Carpet, Tis of Thee" • "The Whole Kitten Kaboodle" • "Battle at the Grave of Thoughts" • "Redshirt Distribution" • "Bottle to Throttle" • "Quantic Fissure" • "Quantic Return" • "Blackrock and Roll" • "Kingdom Hospital" • "Monster-in-a-Box" • "A Tale of Two Holodecks" • "Grinch and Scrooge" • "Miracle in Whoville" • "Battle of Eight Beat" • "Planet of the Cheaters" • "How the Charter Was Won"
Season 3
"Yesterday's Lyrans" • "The Measure of a Romulan" • "Cost of Captivity" • "Hussade Contract" • "Degree of Liberty" • "Days of Wine and D'ohses" • "Doctor Rihanna" • "Grade Inflation, Part One" • "Grade Inflation, Part Two" • "Grade Inflation, Part Three" • "Holographic Family" • "There's no Coffee in the Nebula" • "Tobacco Quest" • "Super Size Me" • "Super Size Me Again" • "Limit at Plus Infinity" • "The Day Where Students Have Stopped Calculating" • "If At First You Don't Succeed" • "Going, going, gone" • "Drug Wars" • "Monopolis" • "TV Dinner" • "Love Plan" • "Spoiled Rotten"
Season 4
"Humans, Romulans and Space-Beasts" • "Vosteage" • "Ice Cream Parlor" • "Gogmagog" • "Relief and Refuge" • "Real Estate Liberty" • "High Priestess of Evacuation" • "Limit at Minus Infinity" • "Low-Cost Vacation" • "Back to School" • "Tribble Resupply" • "Midwife" • "Night of the Were-Hawks" • "Forlorn Hope" • "Party Quest" • "Combinatorics Nightmare" • "Redshirt Computer" • "Party School" • "Just Cause" • "Kathelet"
Season 5
"Resolution on Krant" • "Hilbert Hotel" • "New York Convention" • "Propane Dream" • "Hospital Blues" • "Home Sense" • "Homeward" • "Dr Jekyll and Dr Hyde" • "Varlamov Steak" • "Credit Card Scholarship" • "Black Sox" • "Jockship" • "Two-Speed Intellect" • "Toy Dream" • "A Hockey Game Broke Out" • "Ultimate Wager" • "Cigarette Redshirt" • "Rator III Awaits" • "Hystelic Kingdom"
Sequel: Star Trek: The Stoneship Files
Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.